Letting Go of Rio

I've been finding myself daydreaming about the Rio Olympics. What it would be like to go and pick up my Team GB tracksuit, getting all briefings about what you need to know. Imagining the training plans we'd make and the technical tricks we would refine. Wondering what it would be like to walk into the Olympic Stadium on a warm Brazilian evening. Imagining the thrill of ripping a run down the river on the biggest day and on the biggest stage. Thinking about how utterly insane it would be to defend the title I won with Tim in 2012.

But then I remember that it can't happen. We didn't make the Olympic boat spot at the Olympic Trials the weekend just passed. Although we will be named as the official reserve boat when the team is announced, I would consider it to be highly unlikely (and very sad for the people concerned) that for some reason we would be substituted in further down the line. So it's all just daydreaming and probably only ever will be. I'm going to have to let go of this.

Blazing into the finish. Thanks to Neil Proctor.

The Olympic Trials were as tough as I expected them to be. We recognised that we had a mountain to climb and conditions weren't especially favourable. But we decided as a crew that we wanted to race at the top of our ability regardless of the chances of success. We wanted to express all that we were and all that we had gained in the last year as a crew. We wanted to be free of ideas about what could be, or what should have been, and just be completely and utterly free to race. We had six runs over the weekend, and although our 'Road to Rio' could be ended after any one of them, we wanted to race each one for the joy and to see what we could do. That was pretty inspiring.

In the end, David and Richard's first run of the first race was enough to seal their place. Our second run charge to try and overhaul them was probably one of the finest technical runs of my life - for the first 80 or so seconds! It was lovely, we were skipping, sliding and running all the features and currents. Then, coming into the bottom drop, we got a bit wayward, spinning out before an upstream gate. We lost 1.7 seconds there and then, and we lost a little more in the final spin move, but that was what cost us the race and the chance to take it through to the next day. Of course, we would have then had to win Sunday and Monday to guarantee our nomination, but that is another daydream entirely!

Getting into the last upstream gate on the last day. Thanks to Alex Irwin.

We then fought a tooth and nail battle with Rhys Davies and Matt Lister over the next few days, both crews vying to be named as reserves. Frankly, they mostly had the better of it, their pace was a bit stronger and on Saturday we picked up a crucial penalty. On the final day, we were left needing to win and Matt and Rhys tied their colours to the mast on the first run. Our last run of the weekend was by no means beautiful (I cannot recall much, but I do remember rarely being where I'd hoped I would be), but it was effective. We were just going as fast as we could, and a bit of control was sacrificed. It wasn't deliberate, but it gave us a fast time enough time to absorb a touch and take the win. I was gutted for Matt and Rhys, they are really nice guys and I considered it to have been a good contest, both crews battled to the end, with good character and grace. There were clearly three World top-ten crews in the race and the racing was accordingly sturdy.

As for the other contests, well, they were all humdingers! I can be certain that every single athlete out there was tested, they went through their own trials getting themselves onto the startline and holding things together when things got a bit wayward (as they inevitably do in our fantastically uncontrollable sport)! A few stories really stood out for me: Lizzie Neave's last gasp 50 on the Monday which ended her road. Her pain was hard to witness, she had campaigned so well; Huw Swetnam's 'privateer' assault to get back onto the Senior Team nearly took him to Rio (that would have been a fairytale-and-a-half), demonstrating to everybody that resourcefulness and tenacity can overcome the disadvantages of not being on Lottery funding; the battle for the 3rd C1M spot between Adam Burgess and Tom Quinn, carried out on a knife edge and with some intense racing; the battle for the 3rd K1M spot between Bradley Forbes-Cryans and Tom Brady. My jaw was a bit slack watching the kayak racing, I sometimes couldn't believe what these guys were pulling off; Jasmine Royle fighting on a very tough wicket to get back into the C1W Team, and going down punching. It was emotional, keenly felt because I knew all those involved and could easily imagine the grit and spirit required.

Which brings me onto the main story of the weekend, the Olympic Team. There is no doubt in my mind that the Rio team is the strongest Olympic team ever across the four classes. All the members have won medals at top flight international races. David Florence and Richard Hounslow already have Olympic medals in their cabinets. David and Richard made their selections more assured with their Worlds results, but I have no doubt that they had to work very hard to seal the deal, even though it was done comparatively quickly. Their experience and consistency will be powerful. Fiona Pennie's battle will undoubtedly have added to her confidence as a big day performer, and she now becomes a double Olympian. I believe that Joe Clarke's exceptionally controlled run to secure the K1M place could well be a defining moment in his career, giving him the confidence to stand on the Olympic stage and race freely on the big days. Congratulations to them all, it's a very big deal and they were selected off the back of excellent performances!

So it is going to be tough watching them. There will be plenty of reminders of these trials. I can admit  that I anticipate having to deal with some painful feelings on many occasions over the next few months. But therein lies the challenge for me. I know that I can feel like this, it's all too easy.

Thanks to Peter Milsom.

But I don't want to. I want to allow myself to feel contentment in what I did and what I do, grateful for the chance to paddle at a high level for a few months longer. I don't want to feel bad about what might have been, I want to feel good about what I have already. I think it is possible, and although I will allow myself the odd Rio day dream, I will be sure to generate some alternative 2016 stories to entertain myself. I will choose to let go of Rio and grab onto the day I have.

The Road to Rio - Checkpoint Ahead

Up until recently, the 'Road to Rio' has been a bit like a motorway: Plenty of room on the road for everyone, people going about their canoeing in their own way, but all driving to that glittering goal on the horizon. By the end of the day on the 26th of October, this motorway will have turned into a single track road for the British athletes, with the Olympic Selection series being the checkpoint with only one boat allowed any further along the road. Team GB canoe slalom will have been selected!

Olympic selection is a tough process, in so many ways. It pits the athletes against each other in a very direct way. There can be only one representative for British Canoeing in each race category for Team GB. This can put relationships under strain and is a great character test, as everyone knows that everyone wants the same thing. There is an undercurrent of tension, which most people try to manage with a 'business as usual' approach. The selection races occur all at once, three days in a row. You've got to be on it, as there isn't a second chance. As usual, there is a great deal of uncertainty about what specific challenge you will face, the course set could throw up anything and when you are overlaying this onto the mighty Lee Valley course, you can be sure it is going to be tough! And then there is the struggle which I believe goes on in every athlete's mind: how can you want something so badly, yet not have your thinking clouded by this desire?

For this cycle, as in every other I have been involved with, a fascinating scene has been set. In each of the categories, I know the athletes who are contesting it very well. I've watched them training and watched them go about their business. There is a mixture of seasoned campaigners, proven performers, young hotshots and unpredictable wildcards. The results of the World Championships have also introduced some mathematics into the mix: bonus points scored with high-placed finishes at the Worlds can make it a bit easier to get through the checkpoint. On top of all this, the senior team for 2016 is also selected at this point, so the athletes will be hoping to secure a place on next year's international scene, even if they don't get their Rio ticket organised.

In C1 Men, Worlds bonus points effectively mean that only David Florence or Ryan Westley can realistically secure the Olympic place. David's consistent performance level weighing in against Ryan's uninhibited and creative style will be a sight to behold. It is a mouthwatering prospect! Most likely the result of this battle will leave only one place on the 2016 team remaining. Adam Burgess and Tom Quinn look set to battle this one out, although the occasion could bring out the best in some of the young guns making up the rest of the field.

In K1 Men, the Worlds results give no points advantage to any athlete. Richard Hounslow has withdrawn from the race (presumably to focus on C2, although I have not had the chance to ask him directly), so the form book would suggest that it is a race between Joe Clarke and Bradley Forbes-Cryans for the Olympic spot. I love watching both these athletes in full flight, they are just amazing and I hope I will get to see them in action. It has to be said that in kayak racing the margins are very tight and there are several more players capable of putting very rapid runs down, so Huw Swetnam, Tom Brady or James Bailey could end up spicing things up! As in C1, there will also be a group of up-and-coming talent waiting for their opportunity to go blazing into the fray, which should keep everyone on their toes.

The K1 Women races will be equally absorbing. Lizzie Neave has useful bonus points from the Worlds, but they are unlikely to make things really easy for her. Both Lizzie and Fiona Pennie are former Olympians, so they could be expected to know the demands of this situation and get really stuck in. Kim Woods, whose campaign at the Worlds showed great maturity and skill, will be a strong threat too. I think this race series could be one of the most fluid, as the points could be shared around several athletes in the contest, meaning that the Olympic spot might not be clinched until the very end of the series.

Copyright Neil Proctor

In C1 Women, although no Olympic spot is up for grabs, Worlds bonus points for Kim Woods, Mallory Franklin and Eilidh Gibson make the mathematics harder for anyone else to get into the 2016 team, although I am sure there will be no free lunches offered by any contenders!

So, down to the subject closest to my heart: C2. The injury I picked up a few days before the Worlds proved difficult to shift, and we were unable to train for the 3 subsequent weeks. This was certainly not in our plans, especially not at this important time of year. It has been my experience in the past that injuries and unforeseen circumstances often serve to sharpen the focus and create a certain sort of mentality that can be very useful. I would say this has been the case again. I have done a whole tonne of rehab work, and we have used our 'spare' time as a crew to work on our mental preparation. Last week we were able to build up carefully back up on the whitewater, so we have been in a position to do our final week of training before the races in a modified manner, as opposed to a compromised manner.

The Worlds results give us and Florence/Hounslow bonus points. The maths works out such that if David and Richard win one of the races, then it is impossible for any other crew to be selected as Olympic boat. This reality cannot be denied and it presents a great challenge to us, Davies/Lister and Westley/Franklin. But this is Olympic selection and this is the crazy sport of canoe slalom, so our job remains the same as it ever was: to dedicate our best efforts to putting our best canoeing down the river and seeing what shakes out of the mix. I can honestly say that I find myself in one of the most interesting situations of my career and I am fascinated by it. The mindset and conditions that we have had to create have been a great challenge and a huge experience already. In many ways, the selection series will just be the icing on the cake, as I can say with certainty that in the last few weeks, I have grown as an athlete and unearthed some deep knowledge within myself.

All in all, I feel that I can offer a guarantee that Olympic Selection will be an epic! It will be the most interesting race of the year, both to watch and to participate in. Such a rich experience awaits us, and I am determined to live it fully and gain all I can from the process. The race is open to the public and has free admission, so come along and support us all. Wish us luck and leave the rest to canoe slalom magic!